Message to all pets and pet owners.


I received this fun e-mail from my sister, and thought that those of you with dogs and cats at home, might very well relate to this.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:

 


Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this, but do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep, so it’s not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also consider that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but selfishness.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t smoke or drink,
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …

Don’t you just love this?

 

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82 comments on “Message to all pets and pet owners.

  1. AD … my bleary eyes are feeling more sparkly already as I start to catch up with your blog !
    I’m smothering a giggle here as a I sit with a massive fluffy double sized footwarmer resisting any urge I might have of disturbing her place under the table just to put the kettle on . again .

  2. “if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …”

    Hah! That was excellent.

  3. I can really relate to this post AD. Our dogs are our lives, they are such a joy to spend time with and much better company than a lot of people we know. They also follow me to the bathroom and will curl up quite happily on the bath mat just to be near me but the minute I reach for the toilet paper they are up and out knowing that I’ll be right behind them. I can’t think of anybody else who’ll love me THAT much 😉

  4. That’s so funny 🙂 My dog used to be terrible at trying to race me down the stairs, but now I say “you go first” and she does. It didn’t work saying “wait”, as she’d charge past me, thinking she must go to wait quietly by the cupboard housing her bag of biscuits.

  5. The two messages at the end are priceless (and I don’t mean ‘funny’). I would love to shove the first group right under some people’s noses!

  6. Trust me, a king sized bed is TOO small even if your dog has grown to 10 pounds because of all the people food she eats. I had to get up this morning because I was SOOOOOOO hot. And why was I hot? Not because I’m a hotty – well maybe, but the main reason – a little, white, nearly hairless, adorable BALL of dog curled against me. No matter where I go on the bed, she’s right there making me warm up! So to warn any future readers who are considering purchasing a larger bed – try the couch!

  7. This is priceless 😀 I love it. Frighteningly, I can relate to most of it (although I haven’t been able to afford the king size bed yet 🙂 ) Thanks so much for brightening up my morning.

  8. That sounds about right Sylvia!
    Although I was not tremendously pleased yesterday when I discovered that our 21 year old cat Jack had jumped on the kitchen counter and was licking the pizza.
    Shouldn’t he be too old for that?!?

  9. I can so relate to this 😉
    When I go to the loo, I am followed by the whole inside troop, and if the outside troop is inside, it gets kinda crowded in there!!
    Spot on regarding the liking animals better than I do most people 🙂

    • I am well aware that you like animals better than people. 🙂 I now have a funny picture in my head of you sitting on the throne, surrounded by your adoring menagerie. 😆

  10. Great!
    I read with amusement that a FB friend made a meal of the dog’s unfinished soup – in the dish the dog had been fed it by her daughter! She took it philosophically.

  11. Pets are great. I’ve got two dogs, and they’ve trained me well…lol
    Love your posting!…Have a great weekend! 🙂

  12. Either way… they all leave their toys in the middle of the floor and none of them will clean up after themselves!

  13. Loved it! We really should look into a king size bed since two, sometimes three, of our cats sleep with us.

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