I received this fun e-mail from my sister, and thought that those of you with dogs and cats at home, might very well relate to this.
The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this, but do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep, so it’s not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also consider that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but selfishness.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, and then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t smoke or drink,
(7) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(8) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …
Don’t you just love this?
These are all valid points. Thank the cat who wrote it.
AD … my bleary eyes are feeling more sparkly already as I start to catch up with your blog !
I’m smothering a giggle here as a I sit with a massive fluffy double sized footwarmer resisting any urge I might have of disturbing her place under the table just to put the kettle on . again .
Thanks so much, Poppy. How nice to see you again. How lovely to have a faithful footwarmer on cold days. 🙂
Had a good laugh at this and felt I should add that they will always adore you even when they’re teenagers!
That’s a good one too, Dallas.:)
“if they get pregnant, you can sell their children …”
Hah! That was excellent.
So glad you had a chuckle. Lance. 🙂
brilliant!!! i love my dog.. and my cat… and my kids 🙂
In that order? 😆 What about your man?
Absolutely priceless 😆
Glad you enjoyed, Madhu. 🙂
I can really relate to this post AD. Our dogs are our lives, they are such a joy to spend time with and much better company than a lot of people we know. They also follow me to the bathroom and will curl up quite happily on the bath mat just to be near me but the minute I reach for the toilet paper they are up and out knowing that I’ll be right behind them. I can’t think of anybody else who’ll love me THAT much 😉
How sweet is that, optie. No wonder you adore them so much. 🙂
Love this! I love my dog, but I won’t share my bed with her! 🙂
Neither would I. 🙂
This is hilarious! I’m putting it up in the RUC 😀
“That’s why they call it ‘fur’-niture” – LOL 😆
I’m so glad it gave you a chuckle, Dianne. 🙂
That’s so funny 🙂 My dog used to be terrible at trying to race me down the stairs, but now I say “you go first” and she does. It didn’t work saying “wait”, as she’d charge past me, thinking she must go to wait quietly by the cupboard housing her bag of biscuits.
Hehehe. You seem to have it all worked out, Sarah. Very clever. 🙂
I’ve only worked out how to deal with a flying pooch, after much trial and error and many near slips down the stairs!
Do be careful.
Oh, indeed I can relate to this!!! Brilliant message [especially the note for visitors! – got to put a sign like that on our door too!] 🙂
Hahaha I can imagine your visitors reading the note on the door. 😀
…so can I!!!!
The two messages at the end are priceless (and I don’t mean ‘funny’). I would love to shove the first group right under some people’s noses!
Hahaha…….Glad you enjoyed this, adee. 🙂
So cute, Sylvia! 🙂
Thanks, Cathy. 🙂
Trust me, a king sized bed is TOO small even if your dog has grown to 10 pounds because of all the people food she eats. I had to get up this morning because I was SOOOOOOO hot. And why was I hot? Not because I’m a hotty – well maybe, but the main reason – a little, white, nearly hairless, adorable BALL of dog curled against me. No matter where I go on the bed, she’s right there making me warm up! So to warn any future readers who are considering purchasing a larger bed – try the couch!
Ah, that’s so sweet, Marsha. Your doggie just adores being with you, obviously. 🙂
This is priceless! I’ll snatch it and put it on my fridge!
Glad you liked it, Ann Christine. 🙂
This is priceless 😀 I love it. Frighteningly, I can relate to most of it (although I haven’t been able to afford the king size bed yet 🙂 ) Thanks so much for brightening up my morning.
Thanks, Susan. I thought of you when I first read the e-mail. 🙂
I woke up this morning with 3 Jack Russells all over me 😉
😆 I can only imagine, Tandy. Were you still asleep when they decided to invade?
Love this gave me a good laugh… actually, exactly how I feel…
Glad you had a chuckle. 🙂
So, so true and hysterical. 🙂
Thanks, Elizabeth. Glad it made you smile. 🙂
Peacocks are included. 🙂
That sounds about right Sylvia!
Although I was not tremendously pleased yesterday when I discovered that our 21 year old cat Jack had jumped on the kitchen counter and was licking the pizza.
Shouldn’t he be too old for that?!?
You can’t keep a good cat down, Phil, and pizza is always irresistible. 🙂
LoL… You need may need to take the dog outside daily or still have to clean the litter box though.
This is very true. Pets really rule your life. 🙂
Loved every line of it -:)! Especially the message posted on the front door!
I can so relate to this 😉
When I go to the loo, I am followed by the whole inside troop, and if the outside troop is inside, it gets kinda crowded in there!!
Spot on regarding the liking animals better than I do most people 🙂
I am well aware that you like animals better than people. 🙂 I now have a funny picture in my head of you sitting on the throne, surrounded by your adoring menagerie. 😆
Thanks for sharing @AD
Glad you enjoyed this. 🙂
I read with amusement that a FB friend made a meal of the dog’s unfinished soup – in the dish the dog had been fed it by her daughter! She took it philosophically.
Oh no! She could have been ‘barking mad’ about the incident. 🙂
lololol..I especially liked the next to last line…we can sell their children!
Yes, me too, Suzanne. Hilarious. 🙂
Hahaha, very cute!
Glad you enjoyed this, Heather. Thanks for the visit. 🙂
Thanks, Danaiana. 🙂
I am crazy with them 🙂
Yes, I know you are, Nia. You and your cats are legendary. 😀
So you think dogs and cats can understand human speak 😀
We’ll never know, Chris. 🙂
Hehee… that about sums it up. Thanks for posting it.
I thought it was a lot of fun too, Gunta. 🙂
Pets are great. I’ve got two dogs, and they’ve trained me well…lol
Love your posting!…Have a great weekend! 🙂
Thanks, Deb. Glad you enjoyed. 🙂
Pets are precious … and they do their best to training us.
Yes, they really show you who’s the boss, Frank. 🙂
Either way… they all leave their toys in the middle of the floor and none of them will clean up after themselves!
This is very true, Jody. 🙂
Glad you enjoyed the fun. 🙂
Love it! My cat was the best foot-and-back warmer in the colder months.
Thanks, Pussycat. I bet you really miss the warmth of your kitty.
I have a Superkingsize bed and still my cat sleeps on me
Well of course she does. Probably thinks you should sleep on the couch and let her have the whole bed. 🙂
Loved it! We really should look into a king size bed since two, sometimes three, of our cats sleep with us.
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed. Three cats in bed with you sounds just purrfect. 🙂